Likelihood of Success

I feel as if I practically grew up in the Port Authority bus terminal in Manhattan, having spent most of my life slipping back and forth across the Hudson River by bus for one reason or another.

Now they have a series of ads all over the terminal, trying to convince people that “the Port Authority” is somehow something more than a bus terminal — which, although it is an immensely more pleasant bus terminal today than it was 25 years ago, and even ten or five years ago, it most assuredly is not. Each sign features a different merchant in the terminal. The idea is to simulate a fancy shopping mall that just happens to smell like diesel fumes.

This one I see every night, because it’s right near my gate. It’s a pitch for Strawberry Stores which, I gather, one can enjoy in places other than the PA. So here’s the ad pitch:

Isn’t it nice to hear the word ‘trendy’ used around here?

It is to laugh! I have, of course, never heard the word trendy used around there. I have, of course, never heard the word trendy used in association with Strawberry Stores anywhere! And, of course, if I did hear the word “trendy” “used” around here, it wouldn’t make my bus come any sooner, or be anywhere closer to the temperature it ought to be, or make the bathrooms any less creepy, or have any effect whatsoever on the charming nightlife — a holdover from the 1970’s, when Times Square was the scariest place in New York — that hovers around the Ralph Kramden statue at the front entrance of the terminal after it gets dark.

And, of course, the Asian card. You know it’s trendy because the smiling fashion girl is Asian.

What was that announcement? Lincoln Tunnel still backed up outbound?

Sigh.